The most important part of my childhood was being close to my extended family. I had invaluable relationships with my maternal and paternal grandparents, my mother's brother, her two sisters, their husbands, and all of their children. We regularly made trips to visit my father's two sisters and I had amazing times with my cousins. I know all about my family's heritage, traditions, personalities, religious customs, milestones, worries, and celebrations. I felt comfortable knowing my relatives well enough to detect when they needed help, prayer, or companionship.

You won't know any of these people. This is the most difficult part of preparing for you. I won't have aunts and uncles visiting to hug you and welcome you. The grandmother who gave me the most unconditional love that could possibly exist won't watch you grow up and teach you to garden, knit, bake, or build forts with blankets and furniture. You won't have a large group of role models who are kind, wholesome, and well mannered without exception.

I'm trying to find out about your father's side of things, but everything's so limited and no one knows each other. Last night I was ridiculed (again) for wanting to take you to see your great grandparents.

Should I give up? I often feel like you and I will be all alone.

Yesterday Dr. Tiller of Witchita, Kansas, was murdered. This was the third time he'd been attacked by the anti-choice movement with either a bomb or guns. He was one of the only western Kansas abortion providers, and ran his clinic single-handedly.

I've been through abortion, and am so grateful for the services being legal for me in our state. I am grateful to the kind staff members who held my hand and counseled me. I had to drive an hour to get there on three different days, and miss several days of work. I had enough money to pay for the procedure and gas and lunch afterwards. How will Kansas women who live too far from Kansas City acquire these things? I don't know, but my heart is breaking for them.

I am especially grateful that you are wanted and loved so much already.

Gravity

When I lie on my back, I can feel you pressing on my organs. You seem to heavy. When I wake up in the morning, I'm gently rounded. By the end of the day, you've shifted enough to make my belly protrude in a torpedo-like fashion! When I walk around for a while, go shopping, or clean the house, you move downward and press against my pelvis.

I can't believe your weight will more than triple in the next 12 weeks. But you're worth it. ;)

Week 28

Last night I pushed on my belly and felt you push against my hand. I can't believe how strong you've become! Your dad is away this week, but I'm excited for him to feel it. Sometimes I watch my stomach and see you rolling around inside. You're the size of an eggplant, but I remember when you were only a poppy seed. Now you are a real little person, with a personality I can sense. You don't like to be squashed when I lie on my side. You jump if you hear a loud noise. You relax when your dad's big warm hands are on my belly.

I keep rearranging the furniture in your room. I worry whether or not you'll like it. I worry that the fabric in your clothing won't be soft enough or warm enough. I keep looking for hats to keep your head warm, but I can't find any that are good enough for you.